Wednesday, April 18

WHAT IF YOUR CHILD IS GAY?

GUEST POST BY MATTHEW 'FEMI ADEDOYIN

The number of gays, lesbians and bisexuals who visit our office is increasing by the day.
Some do not know how they started getting attracted to the same sex while some got introduced to it by peers and colleagues.
Some started the act because they are looking for acceptance. For some, it was a way to get back at their parents.
Some watched it on the TV while some others see it as a way to express rebellion.

Many whom I have had the privilege of working with have different reasons and excuses but one thing they have in common is that THEY ARE SEEKING FOR LOVE.

See, we all have the tendency to become anything depending on what we see and hear consistently, especially in our formative years. At two, a child begins individuating and by age twelve, the child becomes an individual. This means that the formative years (character and value development age) of a child start from two and end by the time the child clocks twelve. In the formative years, the child needs mentoring and modelling. You do exactly what you teach and teach exactly what you do. In these formative years, the child needs your presence more than your presents.

So many contradicting literatures on whether people are born gay/lesbian or not exist. However, one of the consistent facts in all of these literature is that a simple and singular determinant for sexual orientation has not been conclusively demonstrated. Various studies point to different and conflicting positions but the social factor is a common theme in all scientific and psychology hypotheses.

The social factor which can be linked to our upbringing, environment and significant emotional experiences is the common factor in all scientific and psychology hypotheses on the subject of sexual orientation. This means that we learnt our sexual orientation here on earth. Sexual orientation is about behaviour and behaviours are learnt and can be unlearnt. Hear Dr Lawrence S. Meyer, a scholar in the Department of Psychiatry at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine: 'While some are under the impression that sexual orientation is an innate, fixed, and biological trait of human beings – that whether heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, we are ‘born that way’- there is insufficient scientific evidence to support that claim. In fact, the concept of sexual orientation is ambiguous; it can refer to a set of behaviours, to feelings of attraction, or to a sense of identity... One environmental factor that appears to be correlated with homosexuality and non-heterosexuality is childhood sexual abuse victimization…'.


Another research published on 31st August, 2017 by Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays (PFOX) stated that 'Many ex-gays will tell you that at one point in their life they thought they were "born gay". The reality is that no scientific evidence has established a genetic cause for homosexuality or found a "gay gene". There is no DNA or medical test to determine if a person is homosexual. Sexual orientation is a matter of self-affirmation and public declaration. "Gay" is a self-chosen identity'.

So, can your child be gay, lesbian, bisexual or asexual? YES! Denying the possibility is living in denial of the reality of the 21st century and not preparing to have adequate knowledge on what to do should that happen. Who knows if your child is even gay, lesbian, bisexual or asexual right now but is not bold enough to tell you yet?

In 2010, I wrote a proposal about teaching teenagers sexuality education to a church but the Pastor told me, 'our teenagers are filled with the Holy Spirit. They don’t need sexuality education. They know they can’t be having sex until they are married'. Six months later, I received a call from that Pastor. Guess what? His daughter and his niece were caught making out with each other. It turned out that daughter and his niece are lesbians. The possibility that your child can be homosexual in this century is more than it was in the 19th century. So, you need adequate knowledge and the courage to teach your child about this reality.

Sexual orientation is more of a behavioural cognition learnt from the highest influencer in our formative years, from what we see and hear in our environment, from people who came into our lives at one point or the other and from our significant emotional experiences.

So, what do you do when you hear that your child is gay, lesbian, bisexual or asexual? Well, show that child love like never before. Where all therapies and other things fail, love never fails. Discovering that your child has a sexual orientation that is not normal to you is not a reason to kill the child or start running from pillar to post. It is time to make the child feel loved like never before.

I remember working with one gay at a time. Although I did not have enough tools to help him, one thing I had and still have is love. I showed him love with reckless abandon and he is fine today.

You must understand that sexual orientation is a behavioural issue and behavioural issues need behavioural solutions. You cannot pray your way out of what you behaved yourself into. If you behaved into it, you have to behave out of it. Sometimes the only prayer you need is adequate knowledge on what to do and how to do it.

Family time is very crucial at this time. The family needs to bond together to consciously and intentionally build family values and a code of conduct that will act as a compass on how every member of the family should live. The family needs to bond more and the child needs to see that you love him irrespective of what is happening. As a parent, use the tool of friendship to get your children’s trust so that they can openly and freely share their struggles with you.

If you have not been teaching your child about sexuality education, you are wrong. The best time to start was when your children were 2 years old but the next best time to start is now. Start teaching them sexuality education. You need to know what to teach and how to teach what you know. Our organization, Resurged Mind Company has the most effective age appropriate sexuality education. You can consult us to train you and/or your children.

Finally, consult a therapist. Just as doctors treat your body, therapists treat your mind. A person can be said to be well when he is whole in the body, mind and spirit. I have been working as a therapist for over 9 years now. I have tested and effective tools that can help your child break free from that sexual orientation. Let’s help your child have a healthy sexuality.

You matter to me...
Let me help you through.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
Sex/Addiction Recovery Therapist
February, 2018
Lagos, Nigeria





Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin is a Family Life Coach, Sex Recovery Therapist and Psychologist. He is a dynamic and prolific teacher, humorist, strategist, maverick and blend of gifts.

He is a certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Master Results and Performance Consultant whose forte lies in Family Systems, Neurocognitive Consonance, Effective Parenting, Quantum Linguistics, Child/Developmental Psychology, Sexuality and Gender Education, Sex and Addiction Recovery Therapy, Advanced neurological re-patterning, Results technologies and Ericksonian and Elman's style hypnosis.

He is one of the youngest and finest sex recovery experts in Africa. He is referred to as the “Apostle of Sexology” due to his ardent fight for human sexual purity and a healthy sex life. 

APOSTLE as he is fondly called is an acronym for Abstainer, Preacher, Oracle, Speaker, Trainer, Leader and Engineer. He is the Principal Consultant at Abstinence Icon Resource Consult, a child/youth advocacy, family life and sex recovery consultancy firm with a mandate to raise sexually pure leaders, build healthy homes and heal ailing families. He also doubles as the lead trainer/facilitator at Matthew Adedoyin Company. 

His articles have been featured on many local and international magazines, newsletters, newspapers, bulletins and online media platforms. He is the publisher of www.matthewadedoyin.com, an online journal where he shares his thoughts as he sees the world.

He is married to his sweetheart, Fidelia 'Femi-Adedoyin.
Connect with Mathew here

Tuesday, April 17

THE 4 LIES OF COMPARISON

GUEST POST BY JC AMAH

There are a lot of things in my life that I feel like I do well. But for every skill I think I’ve mastered, there is always another person that I think does it a little bit better than I. In some cases, this may be true, but in others, it’s due to a helping hand of comparative insecurities that I hold so dear to my heart.

I discovered the hard way that comparing one’s self to the life and accomplishments of others have a way of making one feel inferior, no matter how untrue this fact may really be.

For most of my life, I let the infectious disease of comparison dwell within my heart, destroying my self-worth and confidence from the inside out. 

Read: Mirror war-Winning the battle against self image

It’s not a great place to find yourself in, and I wouldn’t recommend you travel down the road of comparison any time soon.

Comparison brought my insecurities to a level they had never been before. Instead of being the guy who was willing to try and accomplish anything that was thrown his way, I became so wrapped up in the negative thoughts I had towards myself. So much so, that I eventually reverted to not trying anything new at all. I became stale and stagnant in life—Uncharacteristic to who I really was inside. I eventually developed the “Why even bother?” mentality. This mentality as the icing on top was just a recipe for disaster. Read


I was being pulled around like a dog on a leash, and the insecurities I encountered due to constantly comparing myself with others led me farther and farther away from my worth and value in life. I was journeying through a dark and dangerous tunnel that would lead me to nowhere near love or life. 

Read: Are you ruining your future by this?

The lies of comparison will suck the life out of you, yet so many of us do it on a daily basis. We compare our looks, our relationships, our children, our talents, our social status, our houses and even our job titles.
Some of us do it while shopping at our local grocery store, while others do it scrolling through the thousands of photos and status updates made by people they know nothing about.

We love to compare, but I don’t think we realize the hurt we are doing to ourselves in the process. We’re indirectly beating ourselves up by picking apart the flaws we have in comparison to the highlight reels of others. It’s wrong. It’s harmful. It needs to stop. It’s not helping anyone.

The 4 Lies of Comparison are

1. “I’m not good enough.”

2. “They are better than I am.”

3. “They have more to offer than I do.”

4. “Why even bother?”

Don’t listen to the lies of comparison. It’s never a good idea. And it’s always going to lead you down the path of insecurity.

We must understand that everyone has a purpose in this world and that we were all made differently for a reason.
There is no partiality in the eyes of God.
When your worth is found in Him instead of the opinions and comparison with others, you’ll be surprised to see your lack of self-worth start to subside in your life.

Read: Benchmarking your worth

Genesis 1:27 states, “God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Nobody can steal this truth from you. You and I were created in the image of God, and that alone is something to be proud of.

Be who God created you to be. Everybody else is already taken. It’s time to kill comparison and find our worth in God. 



Connect with JC AMAH here


Thursday, April 5

MASTERING CONSISTENCY: GREAT VS OUTSTANDING REWARDS



Have you heard of the Chinese bamboo tree?
Like other plants, it requires nurturing – water, fertile soil, good doze of sunshine. While the farmer invests all of those, the Chinese bamboo tree shows no visible sign of growth in its first year.
One would expect that while it takes most plants three to five days to sprout above the soil, twelve months should be enough for the Chinese bamboo to give the farmer some good sign.
Instead of germinating in its first year, the tree requires the farmer to keep at his nurturing duties. This goes on into the second, third, fourth and even some part of the fifth year; when suddenly, the Chinese bamboo tree shoots between eighty to ninety solid feet high in the air, in just six weeks.
Photo Courtesy: Steemit
Hmmmmm

Did the growth really occur in six weeks?  No.  
Rather, Five years of labour without visible results equaled six weeks of “sudden” growth.

What if the farmer gave up?

What if he sold the land in conviction that the seeds didn’t germinate due to a curse cast on the land by his ancestors? I mean, if you’ve done all that is required of you and a land still doesn’t yield her increase, won’t you think something was wrong with the land?

What If the farmer felt something was wrong with his seeds? He would go purchase another from a different dealer, only to get the same results.

How have you treated your Chinese bamboo?

Your Chinese bamboo could be a dream, a vision, a ministry, a business or a simple instruction God laid in your heart. How long have you been nurturing it?

It’s normal to feel like something is wrong with  the land where you’ve sown- the environment, the relationships you’ve invested in, the policies guiding the sector etc.

It’s also normal to think something is wrong with your seeds- my calling isn’t the reigning one, nobody accepts it, others don’t understand it etc

It’s normal to question your abilities – I’m not applying the manure properly, I’m not trained enough, I’m not knowledgeable enough, etc.

While these thoughts are normal in the face of empty barns, it is abnormal to abandon your dream, vision, assignment, mandate, business, ministry or what have you because you think any of the above “normal” thoughts.

The next time you are tempted to switch base, trade your calling for another person’s or abandon your vision, remember that great rewards take long to arrive while outstanding rewards take longer to arrive.
You can have your great reward today and pass on your outstanding reward, or wait today for your outstanding reward and pass on the great reward.

Beyond choice, the one quality that determines if people pass on great rewards and go on till outstanding reward arrives, is consistency.


What is consistency?

To be consistent is to act the same way or do something overtime. Consistency is therefore the quality or condition of being consistent (Collins Dictionary).

I believe that consistency is the degree of firmness in character. It refers to harmony between one’s thoughts, speeches, beliefs and actions.

Consistency is a character issue. Like most character issue it can only be imbibed through practice.

Many people decide on consistency every new year but they soon slack back into their old ways because they don’t understand the dynamics of consistency. 


To be continued


Committed to Your Fulfilment
Anne Atulaegwu

Need some fresh doze of energy to live fulfilled?
Check out my newest book  here

Monday, March 26

THE PRICE FOR RELEVANCE





© 2018 EAGLE’S SOAR CONFERENCE /THEME: YOUNG AND RELEVANT/

This is a sequel to an earlier post. Please read it here before you proceed

We access glory when we impart lives. This is also what it means to be relevant. This kind of impart isn’t born from vain ambition or a need to be noticed by the world. It’s born and driven absolutely by aligning with the will of God!

In the above scripture, Jesus points out two simple steps required for this level of relevance/impart.


In the above scripture, Jesus points out three simple steps required for this level of relevance/impart.

1.  Fall to the ground: 

The Greek word (pip'-to) means to fall under in prostration. This talks about surrender and Humility. The lesser bows to the greater remember? The greater is the creator. You are the one to surrender; not Him.


 You can’t enter into valid relevance if you are still full of yourself!  See Philippians 2:5-8

If you are still ordering God on your journey, telling him what you will take or not take, you are still standing.  You haven’t fallen to the ground yet and whatever Greeks that are noticing you now would but be a handful compared to when you fall.
Tell yourself, "enough of the fake heights, I choose to fall to the ground!"

     2.     Die:
    
    In order to receive the glory due Him at resurrection, Jesus gave his life at the gory of  crucifixion.


The word “die” here Is the greek word 599 /apothnskō    (ap-oth-nace'-ko)  ("die off, from") occurs 111 times in the NT.  
It stresses the significance of the separation that always comes with divine closure.599 (apothnskōstresses the ending of what is "former" – to bring what (naturally) follows.

I what to make something clear here.

When you gave your life to Jesus, you died. 
Colosians 3:3, "For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God."
This talks about the position of the believer. However, in Luke 9:23 Jesus says,” If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.  Thereby calling us to experience practically what we are positionally.

Apostle Paul affirms this practical life in 1 Corinthians 15:32 when he says, “I die daily.

What is in you that needs to die? 

No death? Then forget about making lasting impart. We rise only as high as we invest beneath.





Death involves the severance of your will. Whenever your will gives way for God’s will, you die!

Each time we put an end to self, God shows off a new dimension of His glory to us, for us  and through us.



What happens if you refused to fall and Die?


You remain alone. The word alone in this verse is the Greek word monos and means solitary (existing alone), desolate.

See yourself as a seed in the earth. If you weren’t God wouldn’t  leave you here after you gave your Christ!

The word desolate in English means empty, unattractive with nothing pleasant in it (cambridge).

Whatever shine or attractiveness you’ve mustered by walking in the dictates of your heart cannot be compared to when you get laid before the Lord and let Him call the shots on your life.

What happens if you died?

You bring forth much fruit. Fruit is the Greek word karpos meaning gain, result. If you did, you will yield more results.   

You’ve done good in the past 5 five years but it is time for more. More will not be if you refuse to severe your will and Let the Lord lead uninterrupted. God wants to lead you to the right industry where your light won’t shine as a candle wick but as a fanciful functional chandelier. Let Him lead! 

Read: What Purpose is Not

It’s good to observe the trend, while a success(ful) man would make decisions based only on his observations, a success would make decisions based on the Leading/ will of the Lord.

Believers, this is not the time for trial and errors. There are witty inventions yet to be birthed. The world hasn’t seen the best of science, nor sociology.

The world hasn’t seen the best of Education  nor Economics.
The world hasn’t seen the best of Architecture nor Animation.
They haven’t seen the best of Technology, Telecommunication nor Textile production.


The world hasn’t seen you.

 The best of these end time is hid only for the believer who is willing to fall under and die!

The vertical principle states we rise only as high as we invest beneath.
How much of you are you willing to Let God have?
Young people, stop negotiating with God. Let Him lead.

Some of us actually think, God has nothing to do with business, national or Global economy or science and technology. They’ve lied to us that you have to be in the occult to access these things. Big lie!  Colossians 1:16 says, "For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him"



GOD is the custodian of all future inventions. There is nothing anyone invents that God didn’t release.

What the hidden did was pay deadly prices (death) to satan the god of this world who hijacks what God has released upon the earth and revealed it to these men in bits for a high price. 

The bible calls him a thief. Everything satan has or gives, he stole! It was originally meant for man!

In the past, men who didn’t know God where allowed to access solutions because believers hadn’t come to an understanding of what it meant to be light.

Today, the new creation knows that all things are HIS and he accesses them by living practically what He is positionally 
(Dead to self, alive in Christ).

Galatians 2:20. I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. (KJV)

If you are still wondering, what  God has to do with "seemingly vain sectors" like fashion, arts an craft? 


Let’s see Exodus 31:1-6
Then the LORD said to Moses, 2“Look, I have specifically chosen Bezalel son of Uri, grandson of Hur, of the tribe of Judah. 3I have filled him with the Spirit of God, giving him great wisdom, ability, and expertise in all kinds of crafts. 4He is a master craftsman, expert in working with gold, silver, and bronze. 5He is skilled in engraving and mounting gemstones and in carving wood. He is a master at every craft! 6“And I have personally appointed Oholiab son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan, to be his assistant. Moreover, I have given special skill to all the gifted craftsmen so they can make all the things I have commanded you to make:

God won't empower someone in crafts if he didn't care about such. The ark needed to be constructed and God found a man to gift the skill. There are needs all around us. Choking needs within our nations. 

In this close of age, while text books and college could give us hints, there are solutions that only an intimate relationship with God can enable you access.
The chosen ones in our generation , are those who are willing to honour the vertical principle.
Die to self, bond intimately with the Lord, let Him lead!

Healing the sick and raising the dead is but one dimension of the miraculous. Industrial miracles are another dimension. Desire it, access it by the vertical principle!

Remember, We rise only as high as we invest beneath.      


3. Follow              
"Those who love their life in this world will lose it . Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity. 26Anyone who wants to be my disciple must follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And the Father will honor anyone who serves me. 27“Now my soul is deeply troubled. Should I pray, ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But this is the very reason I came! 28Father, bring glory to your name.” John 12:25-28 

To follow the Lord, you must rid yourself off sentiments. No attachments to anything or anyone. You are like a soldier who has pledged his/her life for service. During war, soldiers know there is a possibility of death; yet they never retreat! They follow instruction until it's truly over. 

Read: How emotional attachements threaten your chance to succeed

What Is Means To Lose Your Life

622/apóllymi("violently/completely perish") implies permanent(absolute) destruction, i.e. to cancel out (remove); "to die, with the implication of ruin and destruction"  cause to be lost (utterly perish) by experiencing a miserable end.

To hate
04 miséō – properly, to detest (on a comparative basis); hence, denounce; to love someone or something less than someone (something) else, i.e. to renounce one choice in favor of another.

This means everytime you have to choose between yours and the father’s will. You will give yours up for his will. Just what Jesus did.

Not easy at all, but very possible!

You've been seeking relevance, are you ready now?


Committed to your fulfilment



Hey! Interested in relevance? Check out our Mentoring Programs here

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