Tuesday, April 12

WHY DO “LOOSE” GIRLS MARRY FASTER?




“If this life has anything to gain at all, I’ll count it lost if I can’t hear you feel you, cause I need you…” rang my amazing ringtone by Lecrae.
I picked up the sleek darling to see who misses me. It was this pretty friend of mine.

Ada (Not real name) and I met at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka in our first year. We had a lot in common and she was just my type (whatever that means) LOL. Anyway, I was (and still am) literally and figuratively in love with God and I noticed her heart was committed to God and His standards too.

Well, we graduated four years later and you know how life happens. We haven’t really kept in touch for a while. I heard sometime back that she was engaged and I called to say congratulations.  We talked about how life had been since after school and how we both are still fervently loving and serving the Lord. She said her wedding was three months away and I told her I definitely needed the aso-ebi (A uniform material sold to people who wish to attend an event).

This day, Ada had called to ask me a simple question. “Why do loose girls marry faster?”  I went, “okay, why are you asking?” 
She said, “Princess please just answer my question.”
I picked my pen and hit on the desk repeatedly. I wasn’t sure where she was driving at with that. I also didn’t think I had the answer at the time. Therefore, all I could say was, “Babe, is everything okay?”
My friend busted in tears on the other  end.
 “Hello, Hello, Ada, what’s going on?” I asked.
 “Everything is going on, Princess.  My fiancé, He He…” call dropped.

I thought he died or he had an accident. I just couldn’t imagine and so I called back. The phone rang repeatedly without response. I later got a text from Ada asking that we meet.
The next day, we met at Apapa Mall. We got straight to the gist and babe bagan to download.

Her fiancé had impregnated an Ex of his and their wedding plans are crushed as the girl insists he must wed her instead. My friend was devastated. She had sold her aso-ebi and everyone knew the wedding was a month away now.

Ada was in tears at this point.
I just sat still beside her and held her closely. I could only pray for the right words
.
How long have you known your fiancé?”I managed to speak. “Almost 3 years” Ada replied.

She pulled away from me to blow her nose into the handkerchief. A few people were beginning to notice us. I managed to put up a bright face so no one would come asking us questions.

“I’ve been faithfully serving God, Princess. Why is getting married difficult? I kept myself. I’ve honoured God and He couldn’t prevent this embarrassment from happening?” Ada lamented.

“Is it a crime to wait to have sex? Is it a crime? Answer me princess?! She yelled. 
I managed to shake my head while trying to get her to calm down. You know how “aprokos” can just gather around a crying lady. I definitely didn’t want us to create a scene.

“Now my fiancé's parents say he must marry his Ex because they don't want to have any grand child outside wedlock” Ada continued.
She began to table a list of ladies she knew were sleeping around and how they were all married. She just couldn’t stop asking, “why do loose girls marry faster?”

Perhaps you are a devoted Christian single lady dating or not dating and this question has crossed your mind at some point. You’ve been expecting to get married and it just hasn’t come yet or it came and someone snatched it from under your nose.  Well, time won't permit me to talk about the character defect in men who get "snatched" in the manner Ada's Fiance' got pulled off (That's gist for another day) 

However, I just want to put a few things in perspective for those of you who might be secretly asking that question, “why do loose girls marry faster?”

THE TRUE SOURCE OF THAT QUESTION
 May I remind you that life is a journey and even though we are all on it, we aren’t all going to the same place?
Perhaps you’ve forgotten that we all have our own route mapped by the choices we make. Alright! Enough of parables.
Let me show you the true source of that question

1.     Comparison: So every girl you know that sleeps around seems to find a husband once they are ready right? Nobody forced you to stay chaste. You chose to because you believe God’s instruction is for the best. Since you made the honourable choice to do it God’s way what wisdom is it in comparing yourself with people who chose to do otherwise? 2 Corinthians 10:12

2.     Judgmental Spirit: So you’ve brought that girl on your street to book and you’ve found her deserving of no husband. You thinking she’s had her fair share of the men after all. LOL Let me remind we are in no place to judge and if getting married was a “gift” from God, shouldn’t we let him choose who to bless? Mathew 7:1

3.     Distrust in God’s wisdom:  As light as this might seem, it’s a grave sin. That question makes you believe that God is partial and doesn’t care about you who pay attention to his precepts. Romans 2:11
While there are “loose” girls who got married when they wanted, there are also “virgins” who got married pretty early and equally have good homes. So your single hood isn’t enough to negate God’s ability to be faithful. Never should you judge His love, faithfulness and commitment to you by events in your life. God is in a class of His own remember?
Believers must not allow these three viruses to perch on their hearts. These viruses have the capacity to compel one to make deadly choices at the edge of their long awaited testimony.

THE REALITY YOU HAVE IGNORED
So you’ve spent time allowing the enemy plant those ugly viruses into your heart. I would like you to remember these truth

1.     Marriage is not the reward:  God promised us many beautiful things in scripture but there is no place in the bible where it is written that if you serve the Lord faithfully, He will give you a husband or a wife as a reward. You are called to love the Lord with all that you are and serve Him completely because He called you unto Himself and Loves you not because you will get rewarded with marriage. Our reward for being faithful to God and His Kingdom is way beyond all the glories and comfort of this world. Your spiritual inheritance in Christ is heavier than a marriage. Trust me; it will be useless if ALL we labor for is simply to get marriage as our reward. While one might be honoured or privileged to enjoy the bliss of a spouse on earth, we must never forget that marriage for a believer is supposed to aid the fulfillment of purpose not an end in itself. If marriage was that important, it should be one of the things that we would get in heaven alongside the crown of life and the others. Revelation 3:12,  James 1:12
So sister, stop belittling the worth of your labour of love to a temporal earthly event.

2.     God’s plan for you is eternal: God’s plan for you is beyond the now. That you are single at the moment or have been single longer than you thought doesn’t mean God forgot to include vital parts of your life into his plan. God’s plan for you is perfect and like I said earlier, it’s a journey and we must learn to enjoy where we are on the way to where we are going. Jeremiah 29:11

3.     God’s Love for you is stable: Unlike the love we give as humans, God's love is reliable and stable. You can count on Him and trust that it’s for your best when you can’t see nor understand it. So stop thinking that God is punishing you for something you did wrong or that God isn’t noticing you, or even that you have to do something extra to win His love. Jeremiah 31:3, 1 Samuel 12:22


4.     Things aren’t always the way they seem: Sin has consequences on earth and in death; just as righteousness has consequences on earth and in death. Folks who dishonor God with their bodies don’t often tell us what they have to go through. David says, in Psalms 37: -9
“Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways,when they carry out their wicked schemes.Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;do not fret—it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land” 
To you on the outside, life seems better. You don’t know about their internal struggles. There is always a consequence for dishonoring God. That they seem to have a perfect life right now doesn’t mean pay day won’t come on earth or in death. So prioritize honouring God. You are not in a marriage competition with anyone!

5.     God knows your desire:  Okay sis, stop the muse. God knows exactly what you want and though it seem late in your eyes, it will come someday soon and even if it doesn't come, we will still choose the Lord forever. However, You have a devoted God who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you could ask, think or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). This all able God knows the desires of your heart and He says it won’t be cut short (dashed, disappointed)-Proverbs 23:18. The desire for a spouse was placed inside of us by God and He knows how and when He will fulfil that desire. Until then, be encouraged and don’t forget
“For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have showed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister.”  Hebrews 6:10

I pray you find the strength to wait for the man who truly deserves an amazing woman like you!
Committed to your wholeness, 

Anne Atulaegwu

Anne Atulaegwu

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11 comments:

  1. God bless you Anne.... God will continue to increase you in wisdom.

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  2. God bless you Anne.... God will continue to increase you in wisdom.

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  3. There is not a better time for a reminder as candid as the write up I have just read. Kudos!! marriage is not by itself an end but a means to one. It's way better to view marriage as part of God's collective purpose for your life than as a ceremonial item in the list of events that should as a matter of "order" happen in your life that way most importantly, it will be difficult to miss it. God bless the writer.

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    1. God bless you more Ife! I enjoyed reading your summary more ma. Lol

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  4. Ahmed Victor IdowuApril 12, 2016 at 9:02 PM

    Bravo!!! Beautiful write up, both in language and content! What more can I say? Every single woman or man must be dissuaded from this mindset, enabled by our culture, to glamorize about marriage as a peak goal for life's fulfillment. In the end, there's always at least a disappointment of expectations even in the most 'perfect' marriages. The more we flourish in accomplishing destiny assignments as singles, the less disappointed and happier we would be with or without marriage. Indeed our lives have far bigger meaning that just a fantastic marriage.

    God bless you Anne.

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  5. I have been so busy but couldn't avoid reading this. It is one of its kind. Keep it going Anne.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading Izu! Grace is multiplied unto you for all you do!

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  6. wow ....right word for the season.thankyou ma'am for being such a blessing and an inspiration

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